Free Beer, Topless Waitresses and False Advertising

Posted on Thu Sep 1st, 2022 @ 6:06pm by Lieutenant JG Fox Jasper & Lieutenant Commander TaijanSuda ch'Thulhu

3,294 words; about a 16 minute read

Mission: What Is Past Is Prolouge
Location: Somewhere en route to the Alpha Tucanne System
Timeline: Couple weeks prior to Disembarking

She’d sprinted across the bar, leapt into his arms and then wrapped her legs overtly and possessively about his waist to give him a thorough going over in the embrace department. Hell, he had barely caught his breath as she slid all the way back down his body, eliciting a slightly pained protest from Fox as they disengaged and he readjusted.

As the curvy mocha-skinned young woman vanished back into the miling mass of people between him and the exit, Fox tried to nonchalantly reassume his previous casual pose on the bar stool and inadvertently found his attention drawn to a tall, stocky Andorian. With one antenna? That fact held the young man’s attention far longer than it should have, even as he held his pint and shuffled his feet trying to establish a comfortable position. As their eyes inevitably locked, Fox offered up an upward nod and lightly grimaced.

Nursing the last drops in his flagon, Suda took notice of the young buck across the way. Eye contact held for a few seconds. It was a few seconds too long for Suda. He raised his hand in a rude gesture.

Well, that was an easy decision swiftly made, and Fox was already on his feet and striding over to stand before the Andorian. "Refill for whatever he's drinking, please," he requested politely from the nearest member of the bar staff. Then he directed his next words to the stranger. "Has to be a hellava war story in there somewhere," Fox suggested rather than asked.

"You mean the story where your daddy ate you at birth and left you as the cocky, little shit you are today?" Suda looked at the bartender and thanked him for the refill and gestured for another. "If you want to flit with the big atliriths then you better drink like one." A second shot glass of slightly foaming blue liquid was set between them which Suda then slid over to Fox. "One swig or fuck off."

Fox smiled, but only on the inside for the moment. The words 'challenge accepted' intoned somewhere in his brain and he picked up the shot glass, downed it smoothly in one and placed it, upside down, on the bar. "Y'know," he said. "If you don't want to talk about it, that's okay. If it was ripped off during a moment of extreme sexual tension or you caught it in a shuttle hatch or something. Sure, take that to your grave."

"The Ushaan is not sexual," Suda said, mildly impressed at the pinkskin holding his Andorian ale, "except maybe if you were to initiate it. Andorians don't often duel anymore because homicide is a punishable offense." He finished his own drink in short order. "It is a disgrace to lose. Killing is a mercy. A life in disgrace is not worth living, or so the old ways teach us." He turned bitter, crinkling his grapevine scar with a sarcastic smile that was more scowl than anything. "Thanks for dredging it up though. I needed a reminder of my disfigurement like you need my boot up your ass."

Ohhhhhhh... said Fox's brain as it caught up with current events unfolding. A duel. Well, that probably wasn't good. Especially since he'd clearly lost. This particular Andorian didn't seem to be taking the insult too badly at least, which was unusual enough for the human to tense just slightly. All these realisations and emotions were presented openly on the young man's face as he experienced them, but Fox kept his attention forward, on the Andorian loser he'd inadvertently, but somewhat deliberately, just insulted. He heard the shift in the other's tone and noted the snarky grimace-scowl, then for no reason that was obvious couldn't resist pushing just a little further.

"My bad," Fox admitted. "Another round of drinks help any?" He offered, somewhat optimistically. "Or," he added, with the merest of impish smiles. "We gonna fight for the other one?"

Suda made a noise. It might have been a grunt or maybe a laugh, but the sound was too visceral to be either. The Andorian slid a knife out of his boot nice and slow, letting the sound of the blade slithering against leather stretch out as long as possible, and set it to rest on the edge of the bar table.

"Come and get it," Suda said in a low, menacing tone.

Felt like he'd hit a raw nerve, which boded well for a break in the monotony of waiting. Fox watched the Andorian produce the blade in that exaggerated action of motion, waited a couple of seconds and - equally slowly - produced a pararescue knife from a sheath that rested on the inside of his left arm underneath the rolled up sleeve of that dark blue shirt. He placed this on the table besides the other, then he held up both hands, palm outwards to imply he was now unarmed.

"Blades or fists?" Fox checked, unsure if that was a challenge or a mutual disarming and not wanting to misread the situation. He had no intenton of dying, but the need for a fight was burning in his soul right now.

Suda chuckled gruffly, though no mirth touched his eyes. The knives sat to his left. He pounded the table with his right fist, which catapulted both knives in the air. Razor edges glinted as they reflected the bar lights. In the same instant, Suda was on his feet, having stabbed the pararescue knife into the tabletop while grasping his own knife in midair.

"Last chance," Suda said with his knife held against Fox's throat. "Go home and suck your mum's tit while you still draw breath."

"Fat chance more like," quipped Fox as he pushed out his chest and used his left hand to collapse Suda's knife grip. His right hand pushed diagonally downwards onto the inside of his assailant's elbow and on the follow through attempted to push the Andorian to the floor. "I can't afford to suck my mum's tits," he said. "She's way too expensive."

The maneuver stole a grunt from Suda's chest as the leverage applied to his elbow forced him downward. "Your mother's a whore, huh?" It was simple enough to pivot on one knee, though, and redirect Fox's weight with Suda's own, and pull the young buck into a waiting knife-hand clothesline strike. "That math checks out."

They were pretty evenly matched here, maybe an inch and a couple of pounds between them. Fox felt the gravity shift and took the strike while sliding his legs down and out to lessen the blow. The exhale was harsh, but he got lower leg ending in a rough soled boot between Suda's ankles and twisted, hoping to bring them both to the floor. "Never was much good at maths as a kid," he said. "I guess you only have to count to one now though, huh?"

Suda's remaining antenna gave him a nearly prescient awareness of the sudden change in center balance. It took focus away from his speech, but he wasn't one for many words anyway. He couldn't stop the fall, but he could swing his center around to ensure he landed on top. His elbow came up, notched against Fox's sternum, waiting for the ground collision.

He hit the ground hard with a rough "Uuuuufff!" but even winded, Fox's reflexes didn't let him down. The pain in his chest was marginally compensated by the roughly tight hug he wrapped about the Andorian, turning them both in a barrel roll and aiming a wayward knee for the part of the male anatomy that made them all squeal. "You wanted a cuddle," the human jibed a little breathlessly, "you should jus' asked."

Behind them both, one of the bar staff yelled something that was lost in the duo's scuffle, but both Starfleet officers had chosen this establishment for its shadier lack of any real authority so mostly its clientelle were either utterly non-plussed, casually enjoying the entertainment or vaguely considering participating.

"Cuddle this!" Suda set his jaw and gave Fox a savage headbutt that broke the bearhug.

As his skull rang from that collision, Fox buried his face in Suda's jacket and howled, but he did let go. Mostly. Retaliation came by way of a twisting fist to Suda's gut and a reflex kick that probably didn't anywhere useful. There was some messy trading of mostly stalemated jabs and blocks, and the noise of the bar slowly faded as attentions began to wander in the direction of this new floorshow.

By the time the two rolled apart, though, the tone of the establishment had shifted.

"You boys ain't from 'round here," said a burly Nausicaan through his gnarled face. "Are ya?"

At his back was a handful of other Nausicaans that may have been his inbred cousins. They fanned out on either side of their leader with clear intent for violence.

"Get fucked," Suda grunted to the front Nausicaan, slowly getting back to his feet. "Like your da did his sister, maybe."

"Don't have a sister. But mum says Nausicaan's cost extra," said Fox matter-of-factly as he sprung upwards via a kip-up. "On account of the tusks."

"Take it outside!" shouted the staff member who had been previously yelling at Fox and Suda. "All of yas!"

Three hulking Orion bouncers appeared from the crowd in quiet affirmation of the order. Their muscle shirts did more to accentuate their bodies than clothe them. Shiny knuckledusters had the same effect on their fists.

Neither group looked favorably on the two strangers. Suda gave Fox the knowing look of a combat commander forced into issuing a battlefield promotion. Normally an adversary wouldn't get promoted to ally, but circumstances had changed rather quickly. "You thinking what I'm thinking, kid?"

His attention shifted from one set of pirates to the other and Fox's grin broadened with a slow sense of underlying enthusiastic happiness. Overwhelming odds? Well, maybe. Only way to find out, and he was definitely in the mood for some aerobic exercise and a distraction from overthinking.

"Bar fight!" The young man sang out with all the joy of a kid at a celebration in his honour. Fox took a swift running leap at the closest Nausicaan that turned immediately into a short stop, no-hands spring upwards and brought said fella down to the ground, legs wrapped about the guy's neck. "Learned a few things from my mum," he said as they both slammed to the ground and Fox twisted the hold with an aim to suffocate. "Again though - this one's an added fee."

"Enough with the fucking surcharges already," Suda groused at Fox as he ducked one swing from an Orion bouncer, deflected the second swing with both arms up in a guard, and then quick-punched the green behemoth in the throat.

The first Orion buckled to his knees with hands at his throat, but the other two didn't wait their turn. Both moved in on Suda to get their pound of flesh. Suda managed to fend off the direct attacker, but the third bouncer got around to the side and snaked a python-like arm around Suda's neck. The Orion in front of him pulled back an arm and let Suda have a one-two combo in the stomach with his knuckledusters.

Suda tried to gasp, but his airway was restricted from the chokehold. In a last ditch effort, he thumbed the eye of the Orion in front of him, causing him to stumble back. Then he bent his knees, kicked up and drove his feet into the sternum of the Orion in front of him. The reverse force pushed back the bouncer who had been holding him, which sent them both through a table. The impact released the chokehold, for which Suda was relieved. He rolled to the side, hit the bar, and then pulled himself up.

The angry Orion bouncer was already airborne. There was nothing Suda could do to stop him. He anchored one foot, prepared to pivot the other, and grabbed the Orion by his outstretched hands. Even leaning against the swing, all Suda could manage was a rough 90 degree arc before centrifugal force ripped the flying Orion out of his grip and into the gaggle of Nausicaans that had surrounded Fox.

"You're welcome, twerp!" Suda shouted.

Six Nausicaans was a fair challenge for anyone, but Fox pitched in with no overt sign of concern. One - down with the asphyxiating move took a swift lights out punch to the skull and was no longer a problem. The other five however, were now real motivated to cause bodily harm. Fox spun low, grabbed his previously discarded knife from where Suda had stuck it into the table, and palmed in back into its sleeve while simultaneously flipping said table at the inbound angry mouth-breathers.

The one Fox was affectionally calling 'Two' in his mental headcount, went down as the table smacked him hard in the face, but he'd likely be back pretty quick. For now, Fox focused on the four still charging in to surround him. He spun, fists up defensively, throwing in some hard hits as the distance closed in tight, but four versus one was never going to end well. Fox felt the vengeful hatred in those hits as one Nausicaan - 'Five' - pinned him upright and the other three took turns to strike as hard as they could.

As the discarded Orion flew into play as a sentient weapon, Fox spat out a mouthful blood in Four's face as Three hit the ground under the weight of the big green projectile. A legsweep dropped the bloody-faced Nausicaan to the ground, and while Four was still cursing, Five took a free kidney punch to Fox's back and the human dropped to his knees. Fox aimed backwards with a fast elbow, catching Five in the groin, but Six wrapped a hand around the human's throat and lifted him upright.

Four and Five turned back to protect their buddy's back against the no doubt inbound Andorian.

"ch'Thulhu fhtagn!"

Suda leapt off the bar and sailed through the air with glass bottles in each hand. They shattered against the skulls of the two Nausicaans waiting for him. Both goons slowly drooped to the floor where they met their rest.

When he rolled into a landing, Suda set aside his rage and fell into a fluid stance of dynamic motion where his circular-roving palms melded with his shifting footwork to gather as much momentous energy in as small space as possible.

The Orion whose eye he'd gouged lunged forward along with the one he had dropkicked; their third who had been thrown was still tangled with two Nausicaans who had turned their violence upon him. Two Nausicaans abandoned their gangbang against Fox to turn on the new threat.

But Suda flowed between them like water, his movements almost a dance if not for their destructive quality. Punches were bypassed like a raging river coursing through a canyon; grapples were slipped and redirected into tosses and throws; attempted dogpiles were evaded completely and countered with spinning roundhouses delivered by fists as well as feet.

By the time that subgroup of the barfight lay at Suda's feet, his calm focus had thawed back into the rage that he started the conflict.

"Who's next?!" Spittle flew from his mouth as he challenged the remaining Nausicaans who were still harrying Fox.

The immediate response he got was another bottle from the back of his head from the third Orion bouncer who had returned to the fray. Driven to his knees, Suda felt the room spin as the world went black and blue for a moment.

"Hey buddy, you have something against strangers?" Fox's strained voice asked his very own up close and personal Nausicaan. The bigger fella squeezed the human's throat, but Fox managed to muster up enough moisture to spit in his eye. Literally. That short but very irritating distraction gave him a precious second to lift his legs and put his entire weight on the Nausicaan's arm. Boots pushed swift and hard against ribs and Fox spun up and over, wrenching Six's arm around with him. The hold broke, the human landed on the ground with his back briefly to Six, ducked low, foot-swept and stomped back against his face.

As he stood back up, leaving a bootprint of a dirty red bruise on that four-way split face, Fox whooped like a drunken sportsfan and launched straight into another inbound duo of Six's still game cousins. General brawling ensued involving nothing complicated or fancy threw a variety of crunchy sounds, darker bruises and at least one broken bone as human and Nausicaans collided in a brutal dance of survival. Cradling his left arm, Fox emerged - if not entirely victorious or pretty - definitely alive and kicking.

He flinch-ducked as the bar owner fired a couple of shots into the ceiling (no damage, so blanks?) and called for them all to leave.

"Blue!" Fox called over towards Suda. "You still with me?"

"Yeah," Suda said, shaking his head to get the blurry-vision out of his eyes. "If by that you mean getting the fuck out of here."

The Andorian pushed his way through the scant crowd near the exit, trying not to hobble as he went. Judging by the angry looks of other bar patrons that made to follow, the night and the fight was still young.

"I do," confirmed Fox. "Very much mean getting the fuck outta Dodge." He winced as he jolted that broken arm and as the bruises began to really hurt, swelling his face and bringing the out the blacker in the black eye. "C'mon, I know a safe place here. I'm staying at a friend's. Trust me?" He asked, with a flash of a grin.

"I got a ride, thanks." Suda reached his hand inside a pocket and said, "ch'Thulhu to..." But he trailed off when he heard a distinct trilling-chirp come from Fox as well. "You're Starfleet." It was an inquiry, declaration, and accusation all pushed together. That was unexpected and unwelcome given their unbecoming conduct on a non-Federation world. Suda stuck his finger in Fox's face. "We were never here!"

Fox froze at the Andorian's initial action, realising as Suda did, what that meant. He placed his right hand over the comm and looked guilty as hell for a moment at that realisation in his fellow miscreant. Starfleet. Crap.... Then there was a finger in his face and Fox's expression shifted up three gears to stupidity and general amusement. "Never where?" he quipped back.

"Exactly." Suda smirked, looking at Fox in a new light. "See you around, rookie." He tapped his combadge once more. "ch'Thulhu to shuttle. Energize." The Andorian vanished in a pillar of blue energy.

See you around, rookie.

Hopefully not in any directly linked command structure, mused Fox privately. Could get messy in all the wrong ways and with the luck he'd stolen to be where he was about to be, Fox didn't plan on risking that position anytime soon. It was far too personal. But then, on the other hand, a favour shared would be good currency and ch'Thulhu was both a good solid ally in a fight and an unusual name.

"Jasper to med-station," Fox said, though neither hand ever touched his combadge. No, these injuries were getting fixed the old-school way. The off-the-record-pulling-a-favour-from-a-friendly-vixen kinda way. He still had a couple days' leave, and paying said favour right back seemed only fair. Who knew if he'd come back to pay it back later.

"Maya," he said into a private communicator. "Change of plan, I'll meet you at work."

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