Saved To The Clowder

Posted on Mon Feb 13th, 2023 @ 9:44pm by The Narrator & Commander Ayanja Tusalo & Lieutenant Commander Javiylah MacArthur & Lieutenant Commander Aarix Teral & Lieutenant Commander TaijanSuda ch'Thulhu & Lieutenant Jayla Kij MD

1,929 words; about a 10 minute read

Mission: The Icarus Files
Location: QAI Processing Core
Timeline: Sometime When.

Caspar.
Melchior.
Balthasar.

Odd names to give to a trio of plain silver-grey cylinders, even odder when you were told the three unassuming devices had requested the names themselves; the three ancient magi of Earthen myth and legend, wise men. Not that they spoke directly with the crew of the Daedalus, but their mentalities and conscious awareness were just alien enough to make baseline communication a difficult task. These were the emissaries of the cutting edge of information science, borrowing computing power from their future selves if the math worked out. Even explaining how that trick of quantum computing worked put a strain on their system, observation and awareness ripples ruining careful computational eddies.

But they could talk to a FELINE fine enough. Impart neutered, tasteless data and allow the more blunted artificial intellects to bring the fruits of understanding to the walking protein paradoxes that were the crew. And so in the Quantium AI Processing Core, in the shadow of the three magi supercomputers, made a perfect place to hold a staff meeting.

Or at least, that had been Morpheus's intention. As a MK1 FELINE, benefiting from upgrades and the standing of being assigned to the captain of the ship, Morpheus did not attempt to blend in fully as the feline that he was designed to mimic. Composite casing and a head unit mounted with a trio of glowing photoreceptors, the FELINE look was in the number of limbs and the counterweighted tail.

"Are we ready to discuss the matter at hand," he said to the collected FELINES assigned to the ships crew.

Myn, who got a more aesthetically pleasing exterior that resembled an Earth calico, sat politely in the circle of his kin. At least, that's how he saw the other FELINES. While Teral, Aarix was fixing Myn's legs, he talked about how their similar design was analogous to "flesh and blood" relatives. Myn didn't quite understand it, since he was merely a machine, but Teral, Aarix was his assigned person so he trusted the man's words. "Of course, Morpheus," Myn said, his vocal processor much better following the interaction with Jasper, Fox.

The FELINE that had the misfortune of crossing paths with Stanislav Finch squared up on its cybernetic haunches and addressed the group. "I am ready to discuss deez nuts against your chin." Its photoreceptors shifted, a symptom of its sudden and emergency reassessment of its vocal processor. "Would you like to pet this pussy?"

Morpheus allowed a few processor cycles to determine if the Finch assigned mechanism was faulty, or merely as assholish as its companion.

"As always, a simple yes or no would have sufficed," he said cooly.

The largest cat in attendance was attempting to make herself as small as possible in order to make room for everyone, but at 40 centimeters at the shoulder and 55 centimeters from shoulder to hip, this was not as easy task. She was, however, rather lanky, which helped somewhat. Her short fur was tan with stark black stripes running from the top of her head down her neck while the rest of her fur was leopard spots. Her ears were disproportionally large, and her long tail flicked happily as she sat among them. Her designation was Jupiter. She chittered happily, her equivalent of a laugh. “Do any of us do anything simply?” she asked.

"You can simply rest deez nuts against your chin." The poor FELINE screeched in an internal processing error.

"What is your malfunction?" asked the FELINE with a damaged sensor that ironically mirrored the disfiguration of the Security Chief to whom it was assigned.

"Deez nuts are malfuctioning against your chin!"

"Recommend manual recalibration of central processing unit," said the terse FELINE. "Commencing."

"Commencing manual calibration of deez--"

But the statement was cut short by an aerial motion. The disfigured FELINE slammed the hacked FELINE into the deck hard enough to separate the CPU shell from the chassis. "Cybersecurity threat detected: network intrusion neutralized."

“Tut, tut,” said Jupiter dispassionately. “What a shame. We should take him to the engineers; they may be able to repair him. You appear to require repairs as well,” she added.

"Jupiter, that is an idea worthy of completion afterwards. But in the meantime, should our malfunctioning fellow return to active status you may immobilise them forcibly. Sit on them, if needs must." Morpheus stated. The clearly mechanical device sat up a little straighter. "To that end, I entrust you have all become fully calibrated with your companion biologicals. With the added stress of our missions curtail timetable and the emotional charge of that self-same mission, we must be ready to act if any of our companions become less than mission capable."

"My companion biological expressed a fervent intent to commit destruction of property should he see me again," said the FELINE with the damaged sensor. "Calibration seems--"

"Would you like to pet this pussy?" asked the other decapitated FELINE who then got smashed in the face with both hind limbs from the one he had interrupted. A soft whirring of deactivation ended his interjection.

"--untenable at this juncture," concluded the FELINE with the damaged sensor.

"I tend to agree that we should reprogram.. this one." Meowron, the XO's MkII FELINE said. Her lip curling up in disgust at the attitude taken on by the unfortunately reprogramed Android. "Or perhaps decompile, their program is obviously corrupted." Like her assigned organic, Meowron had taken quite the dislike to Finch and anyone, or thing like him.

"Your first instinct is always fire," Morpheus chided. Then after a moment of consideration added: "Though I cannot say that you are wrong."

Myn watched the commotion and tilted his head before standing and approaching the two FELINES. His internal processor recognized that he should keep his distance until the security FELINE said it was ok, so Myn stopped just outside both of their reach. "As the unit presently assigned to Engineering, I have the protocols to diagnose and remove the malware in this unit's central processing core. If I may?"

"Delete him and rewrite his subroutines for all I care," said the unnamed FELINE.

"That might be for the best," Morpheus said. "Sometimes all you can do is burn down the tree to save the forest, but I would advise caution."

“Perhaps some sort of firewall to prevent future reprogramming would be wise,” suggested Jupiter.

"This is Lieutenant Finch we're talking about," Morpheus said. "I don't think there's a firewall made that his peculiar charm can't mitigate. For all of his shining personality flaws, the man knows his craft."

“Hm, then perhaps an algorithm hard wired into the basic programming that doesn’t allow for changes to the personality,” suggested Jupiter. “I wouldn’t know how to do that, but I am certain it can be done.”

"Making a bigger shield just provokes a bigger weapon," said the unnamed FELINE. "That's what my biological said in his last personal log. Seems to apply here. I say scrap the compromised unit and start over."

Myn gave a flick of his tail as he approached the pieces of the FELINE assigned to Finch. "I will do a complete diagnostic and take precautions to avoid receiving malware. My records indicate that Lieutenant Finch, Stanislav resides in the intelligence department, a field that is recognized for proficiency with computers, so algorithms designed to prohibit access to a FELINE's programming may not be the most effective means of preserving the functionality of the department's FELINE. Perhaps my organic can negotiate with Lieutenant Finch, Stanislav?" Like his person, Myn was only familiar with this Finch person through the ship's records and not through personal interaction.

"If you have done your research thoroughly, then you will know that Lt Finch is considered...psychologically caustic. I would advise caution, or at least light arms fires, in such an encounter," Morpheus suggested.

"Memetic hazard status confirmed," said the unnamed FELINE.

Myn's head tilted as he processed the information. "Noted. I will be sure to inform my organic." He then focused his attention on the corrupt FELINE, his front paws converting into tools before starting to work on the FELINE.

The second-largest FELINE, the MkIII unit indistinguishable from a small black panther out of preference, emerged from the shadows that it had been blended with, pale blue eyes going around the circle before focusing on the way Myn was working on the damaged one. Bhéara, also known as Beira, flicked her ears in dismissal of the troublesome unit. She was assigned to the Chief of Operations and, unlike her assigned officer, didn't feel the need to make any feelings hidden. "Quite hazardous," Beira commented, her tone distinctively feminine with the barest hint of an accent. "I am certain that my assigned officer would be able to assist if required."

"I believe mine would say negotiation is a waste of time." Meowron grumbled, his demeanor turning to one of boredom now that combat seemed to be off the table. "Should your efforts fail we will alert security to save you."

"I said nothing of negotiation," Bhéara's eyes glowed yellow for a moment before reverting to their former blue as she stretched. "Though I'm sure Security might prefer it... How goes it, Myn?"

Around Myn were several parts from the now partly disassembled FELINE, and one of his paws was shaped into a probe to look at the circuitry. "I am accessing the central processing core-" There was a pause when Myn's entire frame briefly went rigid. The fur on his exterior stood on end before settling back down, similar to an Earth feline getting spooked. "Oh dear... enabling emergency backup procedures." Turning to the group, Myn said apologetically, "I am afraid I must depart. The virus inserted into this FELINE is aggressive, and unfortunately it got into my systems. The backup procedure should help minimize the effect of this pussy until I return to my organic... oh dear." Myn grabbed the data chip he was working on and put it into his storage compartment to bring to Teral, Aarix. "I removed the component with the virus so it will not affect other units. Please relocate deez nuts against your chin- I mean, this unit to engineering at your earliest convenience," he said in reference to the dismantled FELINE, before scampering off to engineering.

Jupiter glared disapprovingly at the remains of the compromised FELINE. "Perhaps we should recommend that this Finch not be given one of us," she commented.

"I concur," Bhéara nodded as she also looked at the parts scattered around with mild interest. "His role hardly necessitates one."

"I believe my recommendation will be to launch Finch out a torpedo tube, but that recommendation was already made and rejected." Meowron grumbled, his fur standing on end for a moment as he turned away from the fallen FELINE. Two in an hour, it was not looking good, he had to hope that the Engineers could fix their comrades.

"The fact that your central processor's moral governor has repeatedly failed to inhibit that sequence from being expressed as a potentiality suggests you may be a security risk," said the damaged FELINE to Meowron. "Add yourself to the diagnostic list to ensure your base code is not corrupted. The biologicals brook no potential for a synthetic uprising."

"And on that note, I think our meeting should adjourn before someone wonders why we have gathered," Morpheus mused. "It would not do for our partners to believe we have ulterior notices to be by their sides. Well, no more than we already do."

 

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