The Doctor and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Patient

Posted on Sat Jan 7th, 2023 @ 1:27pm by Lieutenant Jayla Kij MD & Lieutenant Commander TaijanSuda ch'Thulhu

1,244 words; about a 6 minute read

Mission: The Icarus Files
Location: Sick Bay

Most of the staff had shown up for their physicals, which made Jayla happy. She’d only really had to chase down one. A few others she’d had to attach orders to show up and they had. There was one, however, who resisted. This time, she added orders with hints of drastic action if there was no compliance.

Now, she just had to wait and hope he actually showed up this time.

"Where's the fire?" Suda asked, his hand casually resting above his hip near his phaser. He had burst in with all speed and swiftness of his CSAR specialization, though he had not drawn his weapon without a visible threat. "I had an urgent message that the Chief of Security was needed in Sickbay, but there's nobody else here."

“Correction,” replied Jayla, turning to greet him. “The chief of medical is here. And you are late for your physical.”

Suda rechecked the message log on his wrist-mounted PADD. "Sunnuva bitch!" he yelled. "Fine. Let's get this over with."

Jayla grinned. There was something about him that she liked. “Exam room five is open,” she replied, gesturing him to follow her to the designated room.

"Just try not to finger my asshole too deep," Suda said as he walked into the exam room. "My ass is so tight you might lose a finger."

"We have scans for that now," replied Jayla with another grin. "Much more comfortable for both parties. Hop up here," she added, indicating the biobed.

"Uh huh..." Suda leaned forward into a handstand at the foot of the biobed and rolled forward onto his backside, tucking his arms and legs together in an insectoid gesture that showcased the double-jointed Andorian strength. "I'll remember that when I turn my head and cough."

"Show off," muttered an amused Jayla as she turned her tricorder on him. "Any complaints? Of a medical nature?" she added hastily.

Suda scoffed so hard it nearly came out as a snort. "No. That's why you dragged me down here. I'm fuckin' peachy."

"Not just peachy, but fuckin' peachy," she repeated, grinning again. "Should I put that in my notes?"

"You can put it in your ass for all I care," quipped Suda, "or wherever you keep your slug. Are we done yet?"

"We've only just started," she replied, finally realizing why she liked him so much already. "You remind me of Belar Kij. Kij's fourth host. He was grumpy, too."

Suda folded his arms. "I'm not grumpy."

"Mhm," replied Jayla with another grin. "Is that why you keep trying to make me cross with your complaining?"

"No, it's because you're wasting my goddamn time." Suda held out his wrist social device. "I've had 3 reports come in since I've been here." He tapped the holo display and cleared the messages. They were just auto generated system reports that gave him hourly updates on critical systems beneath Security's purview, but Dr. Kij didn't need to know that.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," said Jayla, sarcasm only just barely evident. "I didn't realize you were the ship's only security officer." She gave him a wry grin.

"Yeah, like you're the only medic," Suda said with a roll of his eyes. "So you gonna finish scanning me or what?"

“I’m working on it,” she replied, grin never faltering. “The more you complain, the slower I go.”

Suda crossed his arms again. "Fine."

She worked silently for a few moments, making adjustments to her tricorder as she went. Then, since dealing with sensitive topics head on was the best way for a doctor, she asked, “how long ago did you lose the antenna?”

"Oh, I'd say about two months before none of your fucking business," Suda barked, "give or take a couple weeks."

Only Jayla Kij could manage to look stern while grinning. “I am your doctor,” she reminded him. “I ask out of medical concern. I will tell no one what goes on in this room, save maybe your nurse or another doctor who I bring in to consult on the matter. I will never laugh at you or belittle you. Now. How long since you lost the antenna?”

"Depends," Suda said at length. "You mean since I first lost it in Ushaan or when I last trimmed the stub?"

Jayla resisted the urge to roll her eyes or facepalm. “Why have you been trimming it?” she asked, partly curious, but also wondering if there was something she didn’t know about Andorian regeneration.

"Because it ain't mine," Suda said. "Not anymore, not by right. I lost it." He looked at her and scoffed. "You wouldn't understand."

She sighed a bit sadly. “No, I suppose I wouldn’t,” she replied. “I suppose as long as the lack of it doesn’t cause any issues, I can’t complain.”

Suda shrugged. "They say my sense of gravitational awareness is off but I can't tell the difference. You gonna ask me about my sex life now? That usually comes next."

“Only if you think you may have an STD or if there are any… problems,” she replied delicately. “Otherwise, I’ve found that question totally irrelevant.”

"Tip top," Suda said. "What else?"

“Just a blood sample,” she said, pressing a couple more buttons on her tricorder and then closing it. “I won’t think any less of you if you look away,” she added solemnly as she retrieved a hyposyringe an a small phial from a nearby drawer. “A lot of people don’t like the sight of blood. I don’t like seeing my own, in fact. At least not in a phial. It’s creepy.”

Looking Jayla straight in the eye, Suda slid a boot knife out of his ankle sheath, slid the edge across his forearm, and licked the bloody flat of the blade. "Blood doesn't bother me," he said in a gravelly tone. "Whether mine or anyone else's."

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes or facepalm. “You could have just said so,” she pointed out instead, loading the phial into the syringe and quickly withdrawing the required blood. “I’ll let you know if anything turns up, but the scans were good, so I don’t foresee any issues.” She gave him another of her winning grins. “And that’s all! See, it wasn’t so bad, was it?”

"I honestly would have preferred death," Suda said as he sheathed his knife and got back to his feet, "but it's over. See you never."

“That’s unlikely,” she replied with another grin. (Could it be called another grin if she had never really stopped?) “But perhaps not because of illness or injury.”

"If that's your way of hitting on me, you should know I've never fucked a Trill and don't plan on starting now." Suda bit back a bitter chuckle. "Good luck with your other pointless exams."

She couldn’t help herself; she giggled. “No,” she assured him. “I just meant, it’s not that big of a ship and we’re both senior staff, so there will be briefings at least. Don’t worry; I don’t hit on my patients.”

"I wasn't worried either way," Suda muttered on his way out the door. "Bye."

“Bye!” she called cheerfully after him. And then, when he was gone, she added, “what an absolute delight.”

 

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